


Poll Bump

by Northland



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fake Marriage, Political Campaigns, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 13:19:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5871133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northland/pseuds/Northland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Leslie were gay she'd totally go for Ann. But she's straight, so she can't exactly come out. That leaves William's other suggestion...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poll Bump

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SuburbanSun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuburbanSun/gifts).



> You said you enjoyed trope-fics, so have one of the classics!

Leslie closed the door gently and stared blankly in front of her. She wanted to ask someone "did you just hear that?", but she couldn't because no-one other than her and William had been in the room for their deeply weird conversation. She could call Ann, but—well, actually, that would be awkward.

"Leslie?" She realized her eyes had been aimed in Ben's direction for long enough that he'd actually looked up from the laptop in front of him and was giving her one of his three facial expressions, the one she thought of as "smirky eyebrows." "Are you okay?"

What the hell. Leslie didn't know the new pollster very well, and what she knew she didn't like much, but maybe talking to someone like him instead of a friend would be more helpful in this situation. She dragged over a chair and sat down across the table from him. "I just had the most bizarre conversation with William."

Ben's eyebrows stayed up and he made a "go on" circle with his hand.

"He told me that if I want to win this election I have to come out as a lesbian or get married."

Somehow, Ben's eyebrows went up even higher. "Good lord. Uh, keep in mind I've only been polling for your campaign a couple of weeks. Is there some context for this?"

"Apparently I talk about my beautiful, brilliant gazelle of a best friend too much and people think we're a couple."

Ben looked at her for a long minute. "...And you're not?"

Leslie growled indignantly. "No! I mean, if I _were_ gay I'd totally go for Ann. But I'm straight, so I can't exactly come out."

Ben shrugged. "I can see how people could make that assumption. I have to admit, I've never known another candidate who mentioned their best friend in every single speech."

"No-one cared when I was a city councillor."

"Leslie, we've had this discussion." Ben rubbed his forehead and sighed like he was trying to explain trigonometry to a six-year-old. Leslie gritted her teeth. This was why she didn't like him; he was always focused on the negative! Pointing out what she did wrong, or what needed to be changed, never what she was doing right. Of course, if she was doing things right, she'd be ahead in the polls. "Running for state senator is different. It's a bigger stage. Not all the voters know you personally, so you have to appeal to them in a different way. William is obvously misguided, but he's just trying to ensure that you win this election."

"Well, then he said if I wasn't gay I had to put the rumours to rest another way and I should get married. To a man."

Ben's head bobbed backwards in surprise. "That seems, um, a bit extreme."

"You think?" Leslie threw her hands up. "And why would putting a ring on my finger make any difference? I'd still be the same person. Who even cares?"

Ben sighed again. "Well, of course it's hard to control for all the variables, but the best research I know of shows a seven to eight percent boost in support for married politicians."

"Oh." Crap on an iPad. Leslie was currently trailing by fifteen points. "So if I got married, I might actually close a big part of the gap."

Ben grimaced. "Yes. At least theoretically."

Leslie buried her head in her hands and tried not to give in to the impulse to pull her hair out by the roots. "That's just great. I don't have time to go on a date right now, let alone find a husband. And besides, who the hell am I supposed to marry? Single men my age are thin on the ground in Pawnee." She looked around the room. Andy: married. Ron: married. Tom: yeesh.

Ben's mouth was hanging open. "You mean you'd really do it?"

"I might," Leslie mumbled, flushing. "I know you think I'm useless, but I really, really want to win."

Ben leaned back in his chair, staring at her over his laptop, and crossed his arms over his checked shirt. "You could marry me."

A laugh burst out of Leslie like a popped balloon and she cackled until she had to catch her breath. "I needed that. Thanks."

Ben didn't move, and the tips of his ears turned red. "I wasn't joking."

Leslie's mouth stayed open and she concentrated on breathing. Stealthily she pinched her thigh under the table. Nope, not a dream. "You weren't joking."

"If you're seriously considering this ridiculous idea, then I think you should at least think about it rationally. And as you just pointed out, I'm the only practical option."

"I hardly know you! We only met three weeks ago."

"That could actually make it seem more believable," Ben argued. "Love at first sight—people eat up that Hollywood bull."

"Maybe, except that anyone who's seen us together knows we can't stand each other."

"Again, think of the cliché: there's a fine line between love and hate. Sometimes clichés are more believable than the truth."

Leslie slumped back in her chair and stared at the ceiling. She felt dizzy and her head was spinning. Somehow Ben was making this insane idea sound plausible, even appealing. What was she missing? There had to be a catch, other than being married to a man she didn't like. Who, admittedly, had cute tousled hair and a great butt...

"What's in it for you?" she snapped, bolting back upright.

Ben jumped in his seat. "What do you mean?"

"I'm considering this frankly preposterous idea because I want to win the election. But what possible reason could _you_ have for doing something this crazy?"

"I don't know, what's so terrible about an ambitious, attractive, politically savvy spouse?" Ben ducked his head and looked down at the table. "Maybe it would help my career too."

There was something off about that logic, but Leslie’s brain was temporarily stuck on Ben calling her ambitious like it was a good thing. "Screw it. I'm in, if you are."

Ben held out his hand, and they shook.

**Author's Note:**

> I was unable to find any research on whether marriage actually does give a politician any advantage, so all of the statistics in this story are 100% BS.


End file.
